shabam

shabam I'm Meredith.

Take me, baby, or leave me.

I’m standing in this room full of people, screaming at the top of my lungs, but nobody is listening.

I’m bad at this. I tried to write something out in my notes first, but I’m too rusty. Too out of practice. How do I share my feelings again?

I’m tired. I’m exhausted. And I’m depressed. I’m tired of being depressed, and it’s so exhausting.

Depression is something I can remember dealing with since I was 14. That’s 11 years. I was pretty good at handing it, relatively speaking. It was always there. I always felt it with me. But at least it was mostly just in the background. Music playing on the lowest volume. Pushed to the back of my mind. Lately, it’s center stage. It has the spotlight. It’s like I’m standing in the front row at a heavy metal concert. It’s loud. It’s annoying. And it’s all I can think about.

I’m irritable. I’m sad. I’m lonely. I’m hurt. It just all around sucks.

I went to the doctor because I was having trouble breathing everyday for about two weeks. We did breathing tests and a breathing treatment. Nothing. He decided it was anxiety attacks. I didn’t want Xanax, so he put me on a different type of antidepressant. Something stronger, that he thought I would like better. I don’t know if it’s the medicine just not working, and I had become used to relying on that. Or if my depression is getting worse. I. Don’t. Know.

I need to go to a specialist, instead of relying on a general practitioner. But boo.

There’s no room for logic in the depressed mind.

I’ve been dressed for 5 hours and I just found this sock in my tshirt.

I’ve been dressed for 5 hours and I just found this sock in my tshirt.

Monday.

Monday.

Oh, hey guys!

I’m just over here making another 80 mile commute to work. The usual. 

I met KRISTAAAAA last Friday. I don’t know how to tag anymore. Or her username. Or handle? What’s that thing called? 

I have a boyfriend. Still. Going on 6 months. What??

I need to potty. Only 60 miles to gooo. Before I can gooo.

Oh, hey guys!

I’m just over here making another 80 mile commute to work. The usual.

I met KRISTAAAAA last Friday. I don’t know how to tag anymore. Or her username. Or handle? What’s that thing called?

I have a boyfriend. Still. Going on 6 months. What??

I need to potty. Only 60 miles to gooo. Before I can gooo.

So my boyfriend lives about 90 miles away from me. While I know that’s nothing compared to some of the relationships here, sometimes it kills me. Between work and Spartacus and gas prices, we generally only see each other on the weekends. He isn’t able to come up this weekend and I’m not able to go down. This is the first weekend we haven’t seen each other since before thanksgiving.

My heart is breaking already. I’m so lonely without him :(

Selfie. Plus Sparty.

Selfie. Plus Sparty.

Miss y’all.

Too much monday?

My boyfriend turns me on unlike anyone else ever has. I cannot wait until he’s back here tomorrow night.

Boyfriend will be here today! Christmas party tonight. Christmas party tomorrow night. 

So happy it’s Friday.

Boyfriend will be here today! Christmas party tonight. Christmas party tomorrow night.

So happy it’s Friday.

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